Stuck in a rut? How to shift your perspective

This week I’ve been exploring the physical and emotional bind that I find myself in as we head into a different Christmas. If anything below chimes with you then hopefully you can take some reassurance from the fact that you are not alone and there are things that we can do to help ourselves. This prod from Victor Frankl feels pertinent right now:

'When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.'

1. PLAYING WITH PERSPECTIVES
How are you approaching Christmas this year? What’s your perspective? I’d describe mine as ‘determined’, which doesn’t feel as light and festive as I’d hope!

Father Christmas is still alive and well in our house although the first seeds of doubt have started to creep in for my son, who is six. As this year may be the last of youthful innocence it's creating a desire to immerse myself in it, be present and enjoy it as much as possible despite the limitations of Covid. Pit that against a heavy feeling of loss and the prospect of a first Christmas without my Dad, who died very suddenly at the end of January and it feels like I’m determinedly walking a tightrope between two opposing energies and demands.

It strikes me that this tightrope analogy applies in lots of areas of life where we are seeking a balance between seemingly opposite pressures. Here are four I can very rapidly reel off and there are probably more:

• Work and parenthood

• Exercise and relaxation

• Me time and family time

• Work and hobbies/interests

When we’re seeing large areas of our lives in opposition to one another it’s likely to feel hard, heavy, knotty and can result in feelings of not being good enough and never having enough time. Does any of that sound familiar?

So what can we do when we’re on the tightrope? A tool I use a lot both with myself and with my clients is to look at the situation from different perspectives. As challenging and fixed as a situation may seem there are always other options if we choose to look for them. Imagination and a willingness to play around really helps.

For example the tightrope that feels treacherous, uncomfortable and never ending from my current perspective becomes an opportunity to be creative and believe in myself when I get into the perspective of the trapeze artist. When I look at the tightrope from the perspective of a child I see it as a daunting challenge where I’m likely to fall but it's also an opportunity learn and adapt in order to make progress. The tightrope, from the perspective of a bird, becomes an invitation to practice stillness and observe the craziness happening around me.

That last perspective of the bird feels the most useful to me right now so I look at how to apply it to my current situation, through a series of questions:

- What could be possible if I create more stillness and space to observe myself and others, through this festive period?
It would help me be present with the children and therefore deepen my sense of connection to them and my sense of gratitude for all that I have, despite my Dad's death. It would allow me to acknowledge and process my grief rather than pushing it down or ignoring it.

- How can I bring more stillness and create opportunities to observe what's going on around and inside me?
I can spend less time on my phone, which distracts me from the present moment; I could have a cup of tea and look out of the window once a day to notice how I'm feeling; I could start a regular mindfulness practice to create a sense of mental space at the beginning of my day.

- What am I willing to commit to?
I'm going to commit to staying away from my phone before 8am and between 5-7pm and I am also committing to doing a regular mindfulness practice at 9am.

If you find yourself assuming that certain situations are just the way they are and there’s no way out of them I’d encourage you to play with perspectives, following the process above. How are you currently looking at that situation and what might be some alternatives? You might just find that the mud that’s keeping you stuck will start to soften and loosen as you open your mind to other possibilities. Get creative and allow your imagination to have fun with the different perspectives. What would a Christmas Tree perspective on your problem be?!

2. A GROWTH MINDSET TOOL TO HELP SHIFT PERSPECTIVE

Following on from the idea of adopting a child’s 'learning' perspective, here's a super simple tool to help you move on from set backs or unexpected events. Three simple questions to ask yourself and answer:

WIN - what went well, where were the successes?

LEARN - what could have gone better?

GROW - what will I do differently next time?